New proverbs and superstitions.

New superstitions

After obtaining a new mobile phone, throw the old one away in the direction of a passing train: good luck.

When leaving an off-licence after purchasing strong liquor, mutter “praise be“ upon leaving to ensure a safe night’s merry-making.

Tap a five-pence piece against any available surface whilst in queues to cut the waiting time by half. If no surface is available, rap the coin against your teeth.

Rub 2-day old coffee into hair to avoid balding. Prevent hairiness by rubbing 3-day old milk to the area concerned.

When questioned on an act of misconduct, inform your accuser that “the manager told me so“: acquittal.

At the end of the year, write on one sheet of A4 paper every scenario or event you hope will not happen next year. Post this sheet to your next of kin: good luck.

Look away and chuckle light-heartedly when passing police officers to avoid bad luck.

When eating potatoes on the first day of the month, always take the first one and put it in your pocket. Bury it later in a public park to ensure romantic success.

Avoid reading newspapers to prevent the onset of degenerative mental illness. If someone asks for your view on an article, make the sign of the cross and feign sleep.

When uploading photos onto the internet, tag famous celebrities and well-regarded wits into banal snapshots: career success will imminently follow.

Pass a broken down car in the street: good luck.

New proverbs

The longer the fingers, the slower the death.

A monkey is nothing but himself.

To make a Mother’s Birthday out of the matter.

A number can only end in zero or ten.

Every god is a garden for neurotics.

The bigger the mouth, the smaller the ears.

He who wears a tie in a summer will tie the hangman’s noose.

The smaller the day, the larger the pyjamas.

Every man is an expert in breakfast.

Easily acquired, soon expired.

Steal life with a handful of flowers.

The man in the tracksuit will always have itchy feet.

Even Americans need to have their wash-day.

To choose the dog over the baby.

Like singing with a sore throat.

Give a child a moustache and it will call itself the King of France.

To dance with cake and ale in your belly.

A mattress can only hide a lover or bedbugs.

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